Moved to crimineldepasserelle.tumblr.com
See you baby.

Remember the other time when you were hugging me?

You told me you wanted to grow old with me.

And I smiled back at you because that's what I wanted too.

Aww went to Palat's birthday party down at Sembawang & it was awesome. Hah. And since it's Valentine's, I got a necklace from prettyboy! *thumbs up*

Why do I care so much about you, after all you've done to me? You're just another stupid teenage idiot. But you were always my idiot, & that's what counts. God, I used to believe in you. I really did. But I don't know what to believe anymore. I hope you're happy. Just when I thought everything would be okay, you threw it all away. You changed before my eyes. I want to be done with you. But I can't say goodbye. This might seem backwards, but I don't know what hurts more right now, the possibility that you never cared about me at all, or the possibility that you still do.

I am nervous. I'm afraid. But I will stand here in the white hot heat of you. I will play Russian roulette. I will tell jokes I'm not sure you'll find funny. I will hold on until there is no more reason to. And in the end, I will break the stars & resurrect the sun.

I am utterly confused. At times in the past I have felt lost but have always been able to find the path back home. Now, I don’t even know where I call home. I am back & forth from destination to destination, a nomad. I don’t feel like I truly belong anywhere, or with anyone. I am unclear of who I am & who I want to be, who I truly care about or who I just want to keep around for comfort. I have never been so baffled. It keeps me up at night & wakes me early in the morning. My mind feels as if it is in a race with no finish line. All I want are answers but none is to be found. I don’t know what I want or what is right for me, things seem to be crumbling at a pace that I cant keep up with. I need to press pause on the remote that is my life. Everything seems to be moving at a fast-forwarded pace and my mind is tired of running. I need peace. I don’t know where to find it. It isn’t here and it is no longer at “home.” I need a rewind button because the past needs to be reworked, it fucked up my present. I don’t know where to go from here but I do know that I need rest.